The death of social media on my phone and as to why it is

I have to admit, I have a genuine compulsion to comparing myself to what I see online, and to others in the same sort of industry as me, whether it be film or music. I had deleted Instagram and TikTok off my phone in early August after a trip to Cambodia, because I came to realise just how much of life there is right in front of me, oftentimes, hidden behind my phone. I was ashamed because I had knowingly allowed myself to feed the kind of addiction. 

Maybe it's different to you, but social media had become something more than just an internet diary of sorts, because influencers arose, small artists were found, and life seemed to always look so very perfect in the 1080 x 1350 pixel screen, a 10 page carousel of someone else's life - which I had realistically, no part of, and knew nothing of...

Soooo, I deleted it! Not my account because let's all be completely honest with ourselves, if you want your music out there, or your films, or your artwork, we kind of HAVE to use social media as a splint to hold ourselves up to audiences. No one just listens to the radio anymore, or stumbles upon an album in a vinyl cd shop, or reads the artists section of the newspaper, though I do wish for it to be back one day. YES TO PHYSICAL MEDIA AND INTERACTIVITY!!!

I couldn't help but spend the minutes in between a break at work or a trip to the loo without genuinely fueling myself with dread and a sense of inadequacy in life, all because I'd look at an artist, that I genuinely respect and honour in their work, and feel horrible that I didn't do what they did or I did it differently or a plethora of other thoughts that just made me feel... unmotivated to curate things that are ME.

I wish I didn't do these things, or have these feelings, and to be frank, I was quite nervous about saying these things aloud. However, I do know, somewhere out there, there is a girl like me, that has dreams, and also feels this unconsciously growing sense of dread, because of the same reasons I do. And to that, I hope there is a girl out there that knows that she's human for feeling, and not all feelings have to have reason, rhyme, or explanation. 

Anti-social(media)ly yours, Mei xxx